Cat Fight
Monday, April 17, 2006 at 11:00AM It’s sundown, and there’s a feline that’s been crossed in our house.
For two years, Domestic Cat (Felis Catus or F. Domesticus) tolerated the intruding Human Creature. He treated him as a houseguest that would eventually leave and seemed confident that this annoying little lap-stealing, tail-pulling beast would go away on his own free will. And if he didn’t? Well surely his Owners would come to their senses and throw him back out on the street, or return him to whatever faraway planet he came from.
While he showed no love toward the intruding Human Creature, Domestic Cat tried his best to keep his composure and dignity intact. That’s what cats do, especially those of sophisticated Siamese upbringing. If the intruding Human Creature pirated his spot on his Owner’s lap, he wasn’t going to be, well, catty about it. He’d do the gentlemanly thing and surrender it politely while giving a look of disapproval to his Owner. And even when the intruding Human Creature would physically assault him by yanking on his tail, he was willing to let bygones be bygones, certain that this barbarian would soon be bye and gone.
But days and months went by and the intruding Human Creature didn’t show any signs that he was packing his bags. Strangely enough his Owners seemed to be growing more and more attached to this monster that just kept growing and invading into more and more of his space. How could this possibly be? Had his owners plugged their ears and shut their eyes to what this barbarian had been doing? Why did they put up with his incessant cries? How could they just let this man-child take all that had once been his? His once purr-fect world was anything but.
One day reality hit Domestic Cat right square in the whiskers: the intruding Human Creature wasn’t leaving.
That’s when Domestic Cat brought out the claws. The feline in the sand had been crossed. His meows were not being heard by his Owners. Hissing and moaning didn’t work. So he left them a clear and simple message. He dropped the cat-turd bomb right smack in the middle of the intruding Human Creature’s bed. 
A few days he waited but change did not come about. When you’re fighting for a revolution, you have to be prepared for a lengthy battle. The second time he struck an old infant blanket decorated with teddy bears. In recent days the insurgency seems to have picked up in its intensity and the attacks have become increasingly more brazen. Right before his Owners’ eyes he squatted over the enemy’s red book bag before they shooed him away.
Domestic Cat has become decidedly undomesticated. Once a friendly feline, he has developed rather disturbing antisocial personality traits. But even as he poops all over our pad, you can’t help but feel sorry for him. As much as having a child has altered our universe it has pretty much turned his upside down. His behavior is only natural and there’s not much that’s likely to change it. All that we really can do is be cognizant that he needs our attention every once in a while, too, and that the kitty landmines he leaves us are just his gentle reminder of that.
Reader Comments (2)